Kibitzer’s Letter To The Timid
(She is not actually a "shy" type. Forgive the irony, anyway)
To thee that I always hold with deepest regards,
Callous were I over the years. I thought love no more, yet here it comes again. Again? But everything seems too late. Awful. And so before I let the quicksand eats it up, let me cast my heart's prayer up on the hill.
I never had the nerve to divulge the feelings. I was afraid to be neglected. But to have presumed you loved me (do you still do?) is more than an emotional jeopardy. The pain penetrates through the very nerves of my being. Stirs up my numb hypothalamus. You already got a manly one! Mine is an empty hand. Everything seems late. Every thing seems dark ahead. But don't worry. I understand. I never mean to shatter your beehive.
I mastered everything about life. Spent all my time to what I thought were holier than thou. Only to realize that nothing has become of me. Nothing more than the lessons learned. I've taken the feelings for granted. Left it futile. In oblivion. Here we now in separate paths. There's a distance. Even afar.
Your flashing smiles every time busybodies were taunting us. They come across my psyche. Glimpses of yesterday are even passing though my eyes. They do just as quickly as they could. My alter ego can hardly define it. Nor my intuitions can do. To my breath your tears were sharp scythes. And oh, your touch… If only I could bring back time. Only if.
It took me to lose you before I realized. But how could I have lost you if you've never been mine. Never will? No. I must believe that fate is subtle. Not actually a mess. What we have today will be different in the hands of tomorrow. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes unexpected. Even incomprehensible. So who knows, anyway.
Letting you know about it would at least ease my burden if not lose the love. Please forgive my lunacy. I just couldn't help so I have it freed.
Has it reached you?
Saying I love you will do me no good.
But at least I let you know.
Just in case.
Sincerely,
Kibitzer